need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
