So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
