I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
