Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
