You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
