well you can't waste a boner
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
