new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
