as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
