I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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