Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
