were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
COCAINE IS GR8
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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