OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
