I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
