This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
