nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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