when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
