my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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