plz talk dirty to me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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