If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
