his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
