Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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