OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
