How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
