I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
