sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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