At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
