You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I touched a dick in church today
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
