All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
