I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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