just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
