oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
