i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
