Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
