it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
