Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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