rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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