he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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