at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
