I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
