i think i have herpe
just one?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
