Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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