Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
