That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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