Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
