Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
