At least make sure they are 18
Why
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
