The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
