We got so high we made milksteak
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
