At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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