dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
worst night to have a conscience
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
