I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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