What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
