he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize