I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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