So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
