Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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