barbara walters just said penis...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
