Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sobbing to NWA
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
