What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
